she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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