Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
