Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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