Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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