I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
