I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
