U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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