dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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