one word: firstdatebathroomanal
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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