I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
