just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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