how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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