Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
