the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
someone owes me an orgasm
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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