I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
