She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
