I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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