Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
