I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dick has a subreddit
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
