I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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