and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
