i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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