If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
