your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
