saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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