The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
