I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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