Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
