My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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