He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
