I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
