I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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