when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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