We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
