i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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