The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
