Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
