Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
