Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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