Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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