In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
