So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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