you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
