It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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