Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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