when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
