Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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