Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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