i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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