Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
